So I'm Sitting here, reading my book about anarchism with the handmaids tale sitting beside me, contemplating whether or not to watch the film before I finish the book, and i suddenly get distracted and start looking up alexithymia (thanks jaf)
alexithymia: literally 'without words for emotions' This was used by some kid called Peter Sifneos to describe 'a state of deficiency on understanding, processing or describing emotion.'
You know what? I wish I was alexithymic. Oh how simple life would be. Without this constant youthful need to be worshipped that Mr. Doherty knew too well about. Without fear, without paranoia, without dread.
I know I haven't updated this in a while but it's not like anyone is reading this. Anyway, in case they ever should I shall continue writing because who knows, this might keep me sain a little longer.
I realise I have gone off the tracks of the topic a little, even though it never really had a subject matter to begin with, but the vague theme of today is uncertainty.
Yes, i bet that threw you off. Here I am, reading a book about anarchism and yet i'm droning on about my own series of unfortunate events. Don't worry kids, the political ideologies are for another time.
This idea came to me whilst i was in the midst of struggling to write my personal statement. The absolute pain I am experiencing trying to write this thing and in understanding anything I have to at the moment I will come onto later, but the uncertainty element is this. Why am I even bothering. Just because I try to express my views in 42 lines doesn't give me a garunteed place at the university of my choice to study one of the predetermined options they've already given me. Who's to say I'll get a place anywhere? Who is to say what I will do with my life. I sure as hell have no idea. It's idiocracy.
I'll tell you why. Its human nature. Oh how romantic that sounds, you can't deny it's true, and we know it. Some of us embrace it, some of us shy away from it altogether ( I for one being the latter) but it is. Unfortunate as it is, we can't actually control most of what we do. Isn't that odd. We might think that we are doing it for ourselves or that its what we subconsciously wanted, but the truth is that we are absolute animals, and something just get in the way, and all we do is learn to adapt.
One of these, is hope. We like to believe in ourselves and hope that everything is going to turn out right. Its mainly because we are future oriented. Most of us anyway, some of us are past oriented, nostalgic little buggers, and some are hedonistic. Oh how i envy you. Those, are the real rationalists. They realise how to spend life, because nothing is certain. You may believe in fate, or destiny, or religion, but in all fairness, do you really know what's going to happen tomorrow?
What about the day after?
you never know there might be an apocalypse.
I bet Dennis Quaid had plans with his mother too.
